Instinctual Types in Relationships Katherine and Spencer

Summary
Katherine and Spencer discussed the Enneagram and its subtypes, focusing on the instinctual stacking and its impact on behavior and relationships. They also explored the impact of trauma, neurodiversity, and attachment on personality types and relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and accommodating different needs. The team also discussed the importance of defense strategies, self-compassion, and self-understanding in navigating challenging situations and relationships.


Enneagram Subtypes and Instinctual Guidance
Katherine and Spencer discussed the Enneagram and its subtypes, with Katherine explaining the research behind the Enneagram and its evolution over 31 years. They also discussed the instinctual subtypes, with Spencer providing guidance on how to determine one's subtype. Judy, a participant, shared her struggles with determining her dominant instinct and expressing her strong self-preserving and social tendencies. Katherine clarified that if social is in the first or second position in the stacking, it can amplify 1-ish qualities.

Subtypes and Life Stages Interaction
Spencer discussed how different stages of life can highlight certain subtypes, using the example of a teenager who might test as a social subtype. He also shared his personal experience of initially mistaking his wife as a sexual subtype due to her intense focus on their new relationship. Spencer emphasized that while it may seem like the stacking order of subtypes changes, it's actually just a matter of where one's attention is focused. Judy and Katherine added their insights, discussing how identifications and experiences can influence one's subtype. They also touched on the impact of trauma, neurodiversity, and ADHD on the instincts and subtypes.

Understanding Instinctual Stacking in Relationships
Katherine discussed the importance of understanding one's instinctual stacking, which is the order and proportion of one's three instinctual drives. She explained that this stacking can influence how one approaches problems and relationships. Judy asked if the stacking would be the same for all three types, to which Katherine confirmed that the dominant type would be the tallest, but the second type might be close to others. Katherine also mentioned that the instincts are more dominant than the types, and that they trigger the whole defense system. She emphasized the importance of understanding one's instinctual stacking to make relationships easier to understand and to give grace. 

Self-Preservation and Social Instincts Discussed
Katherine and Spencer discussed the instinctual types, focusing on self-preservation and social instincts. They highlighted how self-preservation types prioritize their own needs and resources, often hoarding or sharing them based on their fears and concerns. They also noted that self-preservation types may view their mate as a resource. Katherine emphasized the importance of understanding why people do what they do and what they sacrifice for. They also discussed the social instinct, which has a fear of not belonging and seeks safety and security through joining or avoiding groups. They concluded by mentioning the potential for social types to become adversarial or antisocial to maintain their social standing. 

1960s Social Unrest and Psychology Changes
Katherine discussed the social unrest and changes in hierarchy during the 1960s, particularly at Berkeley, where students protested non-violently and professors agreed with their methods. She also mentioned the shift in psychology from focusing on nature to considering the impact of life experiences on personality. Katherine emphasized the importance of dressing appropriately for one's position and group, and explained the differences between the social, sexual, and sensual types in terms of their needs and sacrifices. She clarified that the social type forms groups, while the sexual type seeks intimacy and the sensual type seeks pleasure.

Enneagram Subtypes Influence Relationship Dynamics
Katherine and Spencer discussed the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors rather than just focusing on the actions themselves. They emphasized that the Enneagram subtypes can exhibit similar behaviors, but the motivations behind these actions can vary significantly. Katherine shared a personal example of how her husband's behavior changed when she was unwell, illustrating how the Enneagram subtypes can influence relationships. Spencer added that the "why" behind a behavior is crucial to understanding the individual's motivations. They concluded that the Enneagram subtypes can influence how people interact with their partners and how they prioritize their relationships. 

Instincts and Human Behavior Discussed
Katherine discussed the importance of instincts in human behavior, emphasizing that they are present throughout life. She explained that the order of self-preservation, social, and sexual instincts is based on neuron health and can vary among individuals. Katherine also highlighted the distinction between the 4th instinct, which is about feeling special and needed, and the sexual instinct, which is about feeling connected to one's intimates. Spencer added that the sexual instinct is about feeling secure in close relationships, while the 4th instinct is about feeling special and needed. They also touched on the concept of stacking, which refers to the order, proportion, and identification of different types and subtypes in an individual's personality.

Trauma's Impact on Type and Behavior
Katherine and Spencer discussed the impact of trauma on an individual's type and behavior. They emphasized that trauma does not change a person's type, but rather affects how they internalize and respond to external stimuli. They also highlighted how trauma can lead to mental gymnastics and incorrect beliefs about one's needs, which can result in mistyping oneself. Spencer shared a study about fleas in a jar to illustrate how trauma can limit one's perception of possibilities. Katherine shared a personal experience of adapting to trauma and seeking connection from others. The discussion focused on the importance of understanding and addressing trauma to improve one's self-perception and behavior. 

Neurodiversity's Impact on Personality Subtypes
Katherine and Spencer discussed the impact of neurodiversity on the stacking of subtypes and types. Spencer explained that neurodiverse diagnoses can magnify certain qualities and create inner conflicts. They also discussed how different neurodiverse diagnoses can affect individuals with different personality types. Katherine shared her observations about individuals on the autistic spectrum, noting that introverted individuals may be misclassified as 5s due to their hesitance and reluctance, while extroverted individuals may struggle with social dynamics. They also touched on the importance of understanding and navigating these differences. 

Enneagram Types and Instinctual Subtypes in Relationships
Katherine and Spencer discuss how different Enneagram types and instinctual subtypes interact in relationships, particularly when partners have opposite instinctual stackings. They explain that this can lead to misunderstandings and difficulties, as each partner prioritizes different needs. Spencer suggests developing a shared "language" to bridge these differences, while Katherine emphasizes the importance of valuing a partner's needs even when they differ from one's own. Both stress that accommodating a partner's instinctual needs demonstrates care for the relationship, but this should be mutual and balanced.

Attachment and Myers-Briggs in Relationships
Katherine and Spencer discussed the importance of attachment in relationships, emphasizing that attachment is relationship-specific and can vary across different relationships. They highlighted the role of Myers-Briggs types in influencing attachment, with some types being more inclined towards secure attachment while others may have a distant attachment due to their Myers-Briggs type. They also touched on the impact of early life experiences on attachment, with Katherine sharing her personal experience of having a secure attachment due to her mother's nurturing nature. Ann asked about the dominance of instinct in relationships, to which Katherine confirmed that instinct is more dominant than type in defining what we need in a relationship.

Tritype® Study and Relationship Building
Katherine discussed her study involving over 1,200 participants, where they were asked to cross off what wasn't true and check what was true based on their type. She found that people often wrote in their instinct that wasn't represented, proving the significance of Tritype®. Ann and Spencer agreed on the usefulness of this tool for understanding relationships and personal traits. Julie shared her experience as an INTP 5 and her husband's unusual ISTJ type, and Katherine suggested that his 8 type might be the reason he uses humor to help Julie during panic attacks. Katherine also explained the different ways people tease and how it can be used to build relationships. 

Understanding Types and Their Impacts
Katherine discussed the identification of types and their potential negative impacts. She explained how individuals may be perceived as negative or critical due to their natural tendencies to notice and correct issues. She also touched on how people may suppress their true type to avoid negative feedback or societal expectations. Judy expressed her confusion about fitting the 4 type, as she didn't experience the negative feelings associated with it. Katherine suggested reversing Judy's 4 and 7 in the stacking order. Spencer further explained the concept of stacking and its importance in understanding individual behaviors. He also discussed the importance of establishing safety and balance in relationships through teasing and poking.

Exploring Personality Types and Experiences
The group discussed various topics related to personality types and experiences. Katherine explained how understanding both the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs systems can provide valuable insights into personality nuances. Sara, who identifies as a 648 Enneagram Tritype® and an INTP in Myers-Briggs, shares her experiences of feeling like she had to suppress parts of herself growing up. Spencer offered advice for 648 Tritype® on considering alternative interpretations of situations to avoid anxiety. The conversation concluded with a brief discussion of how different personality types process information and express themselves physically. 

Defense Strategies and Adaptation
Katherine, Spencer, and Sara discussed the importance of understanding and utilizing different defense strategies in various situations. They emphasized the need to adapt and prepare for different scenarios rather than relying solely on one approach. They also highlighted the significance of self-compassion and self-understanding in navigating challenging situations. The team agreed to further explore the topic of type combinations and defense strategies in future discussions.

Watch the video here.

Look inside the book Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes 2.0 on Amazon

Katherine Fauvre: Enneagram Rainbow Tritypes® | 279 vs 379 | Creator of Tritype®

©1995-2020 Katherine Chernick Fauvre: Originator of Tritype®

Enneagram Rainbow Tritypes® | 279 vs 379
I call the 279 and the 379 the Rainbow Tritypes®. These Tritypes® like colorful events, colorful people, and multi-colored images. Both Tritypes® are diverse and accepting and generally love people. They enjoy friendly and easy relationships. They seek positive experiences, imagery and quotes in journals, calendars and/or posters. They are our cheerleaders in life and set the templates of what is possible, fun and achievable together.

These two Tritypes® are very similar at first glance. Because of these similarities, the 279 Tritype® and the 379 Tritype® can be lookalikes and mistaken for one another. However, the difference between the 3 and the 2 is important. 

The 279 Tritype® is the most relational Tritype®, and the 379 is the most positive Tritype®. 379 Tritype® is even more positive than the 279 Tritype®. Both Tritypes® care about people, but the 379 Tritype® focuses more on their actual achievements, and ideally with people, whereas the 279 Tritype® focuses more on relationships and the time shared with others.

The 279 Tritype® needs easy relating and positive encounters...they try to smooth things over, so people are happy and easier to be around.  ;) They focus on okay-ness. The 379 Tritype® needs to "be" an exemplar of what is positive. They are like a handful of colorful balloons. They also love images of rainbows and balloons regardless of which type leads. 

Both Tritypes® avoid conflict, and both want to be upbeat...but how and why?

279 Tritype®
The 279 feels the need to be happy, relaxed, content and sharing experiences with others that are fun and interesting. They are known as the one that is always smiling, the great guy or woman that everyone likes because they are so kind, happy, considerate, helpful and easy to be around. Unconsciously they feel it is their responsibility to keep up this image and to work hard to keep people happy as well so they can be happy and at ease. 

If someone is unhappy, they have trouble shaking it off, so they keep trying to help the unhappy person with encouragement and teasing.  If that doesn’t work, they shut down because it just feels too painful. When those with the 279 Tritype® feel this despair, they also feel shame when they are not the ideal happy, easygoing person that everyone loves to be around. 

This is because their defense strategy believes that everyone loves a happy, funny and cheerful person, not someone that is negative or needy (2), someone that is upbeat, entertaining, and fun, not someone that is sarcastic or easily bored (7),  someone that is kind, easygoing, agreeable and accepting, not someone that is dull or indifferent (9). 

When this happens, the 279 Tritype® seems to be overly happy and tells others not to worry. Everything is fine when maybe it is not. They are pushing for okay-ness to manage a very real fear that things aren’t okay, and they don’t know what to do or how to make it better. So, they pretend… to survive the overwhelming underlying distress they are feeling if you or they are not feeling happy. 

379 Tritype®
The 379 Tritype® feels the need to be motivated, positive, efficient, and successful.  They are known as the quietly ambitious, successful, fun-loving ambassadors of goodwill. They are the achievers with the soft touch that care about others. Unconsciously, they feel it is their responsibility to look, feel and act like the ‘ideal’ exemplar of the multi-faceted all-around good person that smart, kind, successful, and likable. Not only do they need to meet that ideal for themselves, but they also need to help others do the same.

This creates a great deal of pressure. So, the 379 Tritype® struggles when they have a disappointing experience, don't achieve a goal, miss an opportunity and/or have an off moment with others. They feel anxious stress that they suppress. They are quick to deny painful emotions in favor of pseudo-happiness and instead turn lemons into lemonade more than any other Tritype®. 

So, when a painful experience is acute and needs time to heal, the 379 Tritype® can become impatient and be very hard on themselves for being down. Like the balloons, their happiness becomes deflated. When those with the 379 Tritype® feel this despair, they also feel a sense of inner emptiness that they feel they must hide from others.  This is because their defense strategy believes that everyone loves a winner, not a loser (3), someone that brings people up and not down (7), and someone that is content, not complaining (9). 

When this happens, the 379 Tritype® can seem to be bouncing all over the place and overly positive.  If a situation turns sour or is less than positive, this Tritype® can choose to ignore the change in energy and insist that everything is still great and that all things are possible. The 379 Tritype® is attempting to have a positive view to manage very real sadness and disappointment that their ideal expectations are only moments that are inconsistent and are fleeting at best. So, they pretend.

Working with the Rainbow Tritypes®: 279 vs 379 in General
These two Tritypes® are trying to reframe their negative emotional states into positive learning experiences to remain interesting and fun to be around.  When in pain, the 379 Tritype® can come across as shallow due to their efforts to be positive when they feel negative. Done to excess, they can feel like empty calories to themselves and to others. 

When they are down, their world becomes bleak and gray and devoid of color. It is an opportunity for introspection and growth, of course, but for this Tritype®, it is extremely difficult to do because it means embracing the bleak and the gray which their Tritype® is defended against. But, until they grieve whatever loss they are experiencing or have experienced in the past and let in the pain in small doses, their world will remain bleak with a broken façade. 

Most pretend they are happy to remain likable and safe, but friends and loved ones read that something is amiss. This is when you can remind them that when they identify and name the pain (tag it), their world will become colorful again and that their ambitions and upbeat personality will return and feel real. 

Working with the 279 Tritype®
When working with the 279 Tritype®, it is really important to help them remember that everything actually will be okay again when they better understand uncomfortable situations by talking about them. Remind them that they will feel happier and more content after they have had the discussion about their hidden sadness and the pain they avoid.  Once they have found their center, you can begin the journey of working on the more flexible self-image they need to cultivate in order to more fully heal. 

Remind the 279 Tritype® that the deadness they are secretly feeling and the effort that it takes to go through the motions is exhausting, and the attempts to fake it until they make it are also exhausting.  Help them begin to see that the fear of being cut off will actually begin to subside when they take steps to let in what they avoid. It must be in tiny steps, though, as the defense strategy is wired to be upbeat and will go on tilt and stop engaging and start pretending when they don’t feel upbeat. If they are not upbeat, they will be overlooked and unimportant.

The good news is that the 279 Tritype® will feel more relaxed and connected to themselves, which feels better than just okay. They feel the need to have everyone be okay to avoid the painful feeling of being disconnected or separate from others.  They remember many times when they were really looking forward to just being with people they cared about and how they love people, and just being together, having a good time that is stress-free.  They are often the glue that makes it easy for different types of people to come together. They love to make others happy and share in the happiness others experience. When those with the 279 Tritype® are feeling stressed, it helps to understand that they also feel shame and need to be reminded that they are a really nice, easygoing person that everyone does love to be around.  

Working with the 379 Tritype®
When working with the 379 Tritype®, it is really important to help them remember their amazing ability to see what is positive, possible, and harmonious in any given situation. Help them reconnect to themselves via their accomplishments. The disconnection happens when they feel that they are seen as less than the ideal exemplar of whatever image they have of themselves. Once they have found their center, you can begin the journey of working with them on the greater depth of emotions they need to cultivate and bring into awareness to more fully heal. 

Help them begin to see that the fear of being uncool and un-fun or unsuccessful will actually begin to subside when they take steps to let what they avoid and are so good at concealing. It must be in tiny steps, though, as the defense strategy is wired to be a winner that has it all and will instantly deliver an artificial image to hide behind to feel safe when they are not positive. This is because if they fear if they are not upbeat, they will be overlooked and seen as unimportant and uncool.

The good news is that the 379 Tritype® will feel more positive, upbeat, and good-natured when they are connected to themselves. They act as if not to be insincere but to hide their sadness when they feel down. They lose their motivation to do, be, and become. This is crushing because they want success and seek stardom even when it is in understated ways. Help them to remember who they are, all of who they are, and what they have already accomplished that others haven’t.  

They love people and the energy that comes from being connected to others. They like color in every form. They love projects and are very ambitious and can accomplish a great deal. But, they need the affirmation that comes from others to, in turn, have the confidence they need to share their inspirations with everyone they meet.  Like the flowers that turn to face the sun, 379s need to be inspired and be inspirational, and when they have it, they share their enthusiasm with the world. 

More on Tritype® here:
Katherine created a test that has been programmed to pick up particular patterns that the types use.
Take the Test here:  https://enneagramtritypetest.com
General Information:  www.katherinefauvre.com/tritype
YouTube: Katherine Fauvre | Creator of Tritype®

©1995-2020 Katherine Chernick Fauvre