Instinctual Types in Relationships Katherine and Spencer

March 25, 2025 Katherine Fauvre

Summary
Katherine and Spencer discussed the Enneagram and its subtypes, focusing on the instinctual stacking and its impact on behavior and relationships. They also explored the impact of trauma, neurodiversity, and attachment on personality types and relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and accommodating different needs. The team also discussed the importance of defense strategies, self-compassion, and self-understanding in navigating challenging situations and relationships.

Enneagram Subtypes and Instinctual Guidance
Katherine and Spencer discussed the Enneagram and its subtypes, with Katherine explaining the research behind the Enneagram and its evolution over 31 years. They also discussed the instinctual subtypes, with Spencer providing guidance on how to determine one's subtype. Judy, a participant, shared her struggles with determining her dominant instinct and expressing her strong self-preserving and social tendencies. Katherine clarified that if social is in the first or second position in the stacking, it can amplify 1-ish qualities.

Subtypes and Life Stages Interaction
Spencer discussed how different stages of life can highlight certain subtypes, using the example of a teenager who might test as a social subtype. He also shared his personal experience of initially mistaking his wife as a sexual subtype due to her intense focus on their new relationship. Spencer emphasized that while it may seem like the stacking order of subtypes changes, it's actually just a matter of where one's attention is focused. Judy and Katherine added their insights, discussing how identifications and experiences can influence one's subtype. They also touched on the impact of trauma, neurodiversity, and ADHD on the instincts and subtypes.

Understanding Instinctual Stacking in Relationships
Katherine discussed the importance of understanding one's instinctual stacking, which is the order and proportion of one's three instinctual drives. She explained that this stacking can influence how one approaches problems and relationships. Judy asked if the stacking would be the same for all three types, to which Katherine confirmed that the dominant type would be the tallest, but the second type might be close to others. Katherine also mentioned that the instincts are more dominant than the types, and that they trigger the whole defense system. She emphasized the importance of understanding one's instinctual stacking to make relationships easier to understand and to give grace.

Self-Preservation and Social Instincts Discussed
Katherine and Spencer discussed the instinctual types, focusing on self-preservation and social instincts. They highlighted how self-preservation types prioritize their own needs and resources, often hoarding or sharing them based on their fears and concerns. They also noted that self-preservation types may view their mate as a resource. Katherine emphasized the importance of understanding why people do what they do and what they sacrifice for. They also discussed the social instinct, which has a fear of not belonging and seeks safety and security through joining or avoiding groups. They concluded by mentioning the potential for social types to become adversarial or antisocial to maintain their social standing.

1960s Social Unrest and Psychology Changes
Katherine discussed the social unrest and changes in hierarchy during the 1960s, particularly at Berkeley, where students protested non-violently and professors agreed with their methods. She also mentioned the shift in psychology from focusing on nature to considering the impact of life experiences on personality. Katherine emphasized the importance of dressing appropriately for one's position and group, and explained the differences between the social, sexual, and sensual types in terms of their needs and sacrifices. She clarified that the social type forms groups, while the sexual type seeks intimacy and the sensual type seeks pleasure.

Enneagram Subtypes Influence Relationship Dynamics
Katherine and Spencer discussed the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors rather than just focusing on the actions themselves. They emphasized that the Enneagram subtypes can exhibit similar behaviors, but the motivations behind these actions can vary significantly. Katherine shared a personal example of how her husband's behavior changed when she was unwell, illustrating how the Enneagram subtypes can influence relationships. Spencer added that the "why" behind a behavior is crucial to understanding the individual's motivations. They concluded that the Enneagram subtypes can influence how people interact with their partners and how they prioritize their relationships.

Instincts and Human Behavior Discussed
Katherine discussed the importance of instincts in human behavior, emphasizing that they are present throughout life. She explained that the order of self-preservation, social, and sexual instincts is based on neuron health and can vary among individuals. Katherine also highlighted the distinction between the 4th instinct, which is about feeling special and needed, and the sexual instinct, which is about feeling connected to one's intimates. Spencer added that the sexual instinct is about feeling secure in close relationships, while the 4th instinct is about feeling special and needed. They also touched on the concept of stacking, which refers to the order, proportion, and identification of different types and subtypes in an individual's personality.

Trauma's Impact on Type and Behavior
Katherine and Spencer discussed the impact of trauma on an individual's type and behavior. They emphasized that trauma does not change a person's type, but rather affects how they internalize and respond to external stimuli. They also highlighted how trauma can lead to mental gymnastics and incorrect beliefs about one's needs, which can result in mistyping oneself. Spencer shared a study about fleas in a jar to illustrate how trauma can limit one's perception of possibilities. Katherine shared a personal experience of adapting to trauma and seeking connection from others. The discussion focused on the importance of understanding and addressing trauma to improve one's self-perception and behavior.

Neurodiversity's Impact on Personality Subtypes
Katherine and Spencer discussed the impact of neurodiversity on the stacking of subtypes and types. Spencer explained that neurodiverse diagnoses can magnify certain qualities and create inner conflicts. They also discussed how different neurodiverse diagnoses can affect individuals with different personality types. Katherine shared her observations about individuals on the autistic spectrum, noting that introverted individuals may be misclassified as 5s due to their hesitance and reluctance, while extroverted individuals may struggle with social dynamics. They also touched on the importance of understanding and navigating these differences.

Enneagram Types and Instinctual Subtypes in Relationships
Katherine and Spencer discuss how different Enneagram types and instinctual subtypes interact in relationships, particularly when partners have opposite instinctual stackings. They explain that this can lead to misunderstandings and difficulties, as each partner prioritizes different needs. Spencer suggests developing a shared "language" to bridge these differences, while Katherine emphasizes the importance of valuing a partner's needs even when they differ from one's own. Both stress that accommodating a partner's instinctual needs demonstrates care for the relationship, but this should be mutual and balanced.

Attachment and Myers-Briggs in Relationships
Katherine and Spencer discussed the importance of attachment in relationships, emphasizing that attachment is relationship-specific and can vary across different relationships. They highlighted the role of Myers-Briggs types in influencing attachment, with some types being more inclined towards secure attachment while others may have a distant attachment due to their Myers-Briggs type. They also touched on the impact of early life experiences on attachment, with Katherine sharing her personal experience of having a secure attachment due to her mother's nurturing nature. Ann asked about the dominance of instinct in relationships, to which Katherine confirmed that instinct is more dominant than type in defining what we need in a relationship.

Tritype® Study and Relationship Building
Katherine discussed her study involving over 1,200 participants, where they were asked to cross off what wasn't true and check what was true based on their type. She found that people often wrote in their instinct that wasn't represented, proving the significance of Tritype®. Ann and Spencer agreed on the usefulness of this tool for understanding relationships and personal traits. Julie shared her experience as an INTP 5 and her husband's unusual ISTJ type, and Katherine suggested that his 8 type might be the reason he uses humor to help Julie during panic attacks. Katherine also explained the different ways people tease and how it can be used to build relationships.

Understanding Types and Their Impacts
Katherine discussed the identification of types and their potential negative impacts. She explained how individuals may be perceived as negative or critical due to their natural tendencies to notice and correct issues. She also touched on how people may suppress their true type to avoid negative feedback or societal expectations. Judy expressed her confusion about fitting the 4 type, as she didn't experience the negative feelings associated with it. Katherine suggested reversing Judy's 4 and 7 in the stacking order. Spencer further explained the concept of stacking and its importance in understanding individual behaviors. He also discussed the importance of establishing safety and balance in relationships through teasing and poking.

Exploring Personality Types and Experiences
The group discussed various topics related to personality types and experiences. Katherine explained how understanding both the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs systems can provide valuable insights into personality nuances. Sara, who identifies as a 648 Enneagram Tritype® and an INTP in Myers-Briggs, shares her experiences of feeling like she had to suppress parts of herself growing up. Spencer offered advice for 648 Tritype® on considering alternative interpretations of situations to avoid anxiety. The conversation concluded with a brief discussion of how different personality types process information and express themselves physically.

Defense Strategies and Adaptation
Katherine, Spencer, and Sara discussed the importance of understanding and utilizing different defense strategies in various situations. They emphasized the need to adapt and prepare for different scenarios rather than relying solely on one approach. They also highlighted the significance of self-compassion and self-understanding in navigating challenging situations. The team agreed to further explore the topic of type combinations and defense strategies in future discussions.

Watch the video here.

Look inside the book Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes 2.0 on Amazon

Katherine Fauvre: Enneagram Instinctual Subtype and Pair Bonding–Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives

February 14, 2023 Katherine Fauvre

Enneagram Instinctual Subtype and Pair Bonding - Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives
A noteworthy point of interest with respect to the Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes is that the dominant instinctual drive (self-preserving, social or sexual) will shift to the other two subtypes as needed to ensure its influential role in this trialectic instinctual system. The way in which the dominant subtype employs the other two appears to be very specific and predictable. The dominant drive maintains the role of the commander in chief and the other two are channeled through its lens. Generally, this is very primal and often unconscious. This is especially apparent with respect to the human drive to seek a mate and pair bonding, but applies to all areas of life. If a relationship displays conflicting instinctual needs the dominant drive perceives it as a threat to security and acts accordingly. Confusion about the manner in which the instinctual drives manifest to create and maintain a sense of security is often the root of misunderstandings. Such disturbances in the instinctual drive are often the catalyst for seeking counsel or therapy.

Self-preserving moves to Sexual:
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.

Social moves to Self-Preserving:
The social subtype will think in terms more indicative of the self-preserving subtype when selecting a mate. This is very important to insure the desired security that rank and social status can provide. The social subtype seeks a mate with a shared social vision and similar values. This is necessary to fulfill the desire for a mate that will join them in their activities. Therefore, a secure social position is essential. Much attention is paid to the potential mate's connections, rank and ability to provide financial security. This subtype enjoys bringing others together, feeling that the more the merrier! They are often adept at creating the center stage and often use their home for social events, gatherings and causes. At first the social subtype will spend more time one on one with the potential mate. Once the mate is in place, the social subtype will return to outside interests, groups and/or activities, ideally, this is with their mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their need for people, activities, causes and unwilling to share their interest in others.

Sexual moves to Social:
The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find the other! Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts.

More on Tritype® here:
Katherine created a test that has been programmed to pick up particular patterns that the types use.
Take the Test here: https://enneagramtritypetest.com
General Information: www.katherinefauvre.com/tritype
YouTube: Katherine Fauvre | Creator of Tritype®

Katherine Fauvre: +Positive and -Negative Identifications within your Instinctual Stacking

February 14, 2023 Katherine Fauvre

+Positive and -Negative Identifications within your Instinctual Stacking
The manner in which we experience the nurture aspect of our instinctual stacking nature is very revealing. Our positive and/or negative identifications with each type in our instinctual stacking greatly influence the way we express or repress our instinctual types.

We may be positively, negatively of identified with each of the instinctual types in our instinctual stacking. We can also have a neutral identification. For example, you could be a sexual/self-preserving/social aka sx/sp/so stacking but have:

- Sexual/Intimate
+ Self-preserving
+ Social

How well we negotiated the realms of self-preservation (security, nurturance, comfort, physical well-being), social (groups others, friends and foes) and sexual (pair bonds, intimate attachments, closeness, desirability) can dramatically influence our identification with each of the instinctual types in our instinctual stacking.

If we are positively identified with an instinctual type we feel greater confidence and comfort with it. One important point of interest is what happens when you are positively identified with the last instinctual type in your instinctual stacking. In this case, our third instinctual type still needs to mature and become more balanced and a part of our decision-making processes but it does not cause the same level of anxiety as the third type, with a negative identification. As such, it is easier to develop it than when we have a positive identification with the last instinctual type in our stacking.

This identification can most easily be seen in the dominant instinctual type.
A few examples…

Sexual/Intimate:
Both positively and negatively identified sexual instinctual types long for their favorite, their beloved and the object of their desire whether a life partner or a lifelong friend.

The positively identified sexual instinctual type was told that they were attractive and desirable as a child by those that were close to them and often by those in their larger groups such as with their extended family, and with schoolmates and teachers. They grew up hearing things such as “You are so handsome or you are so beautiful!” “Aren’t you adorable!” “Aren’t you charming.” Most importantly, they felt that they had the ability to attract the one they most desired to have a close connection with.

The negatively identified sexual instinctual types felt that they were not desirable or not the right kind of desirable to draw in “the one” they most wanted to be close to. This is not about popularity but rather about being and having your ‘favorite; above all else. It is about being in sync and have the union, fusion, and closeness with the object of your desire, the one with whom you have exciting chemistry. The negatively identified sexual instinctual type either gives up trying or learns the tricks of the trade by adorning themselves and seducing the object of their desire with sparking conversations that includes the revealing of one’s deepest and innermost thoughts and the sharing of secrets.

An interesting point I have noticed when working with the positively identified sexual type is how much they struggle to feel attractive and desirable when they lose what they perceived made them desirable and attractive in the first place. They often feel a lot more stress than the negatively identified sexual instinctual type because they did not have to work as hard to develop the skills needed to attract their desired mate, pair bond or BFF as the negatively identified sexual instinctual type did.

Wherever they go and wherever they are they seek the special someone with whom they can deeply connect share their deeper and innermost thoughts.

Social:
Wherever they go and wherever they are they seek a place or position that gives them security through status or belonging. Due to positive experiences as a child, the positively identified social instinctual type sees himself or herself as friendly and often wants to find others and/or groups to join to experience a sense of purpose and belonging. This social instinctual type is most inclined to be philanthropic.

Due to negative experiences as a child, the negatively identified social instinctual type sees himself or herself as somewhat of a loner and often wants to avoid grouping of any kind because he or she feels that others will exclude him or her or that he or she will be cast out. This negatively identified social instinctual type is more inclined to be misanthropic. He or she may report that he or she hates people, parties or groups. They usually do not realize that they are the social instinctual type because they are unaware that their attention is focused on people and what others are doing rather than their resources or their designated favorite.

Self-preserving:
With the self-preserving instinct, you can be overly focused on scarcity and not having enough time, energy, or money even if you have a trust fund and don't have to work. Or you can keep track of every penny you spend and worry about expenses but have a serious disease and not monitor it. This can be seen if you eat the wrong foods, fail to exercise according to the needs of your condition, don’t regularly take your medications, and/or do not have the treatments required to manage your health issue, especially when it is a life-threatening concern.

The extreme polar opposite can be seen when the self-preserving instinctual type engages in high-risk activities without being concerned that he or she could be easily injured or have a fatal accident. For example, I have known self-preserving cp6s that are very afraid of flying but engage in extremely dangerous sports. It helps the 6 manage their fear of flying when they learn the statistics of those who perish in an airplane crash and those that crash and burn on a dangerous ski slope.

When someone is positively identified with their self-preserving instinctual type they usually have a sense of abundance. He or she feels that their hard work or the world will provide what he or she need financially and/or physically. However, the positively identified self-preserving instinctual type can identify with not having financial and/or physical needs even if they do have them or should pay better attention to them. ;)

The negatively identified self-preserving instinctual type will feel a sense of lack and that they can never have enough resources, and that the resources they do have could be taken away by some sort of catastrophe. They may bring food with them everywhere they go just in case but they will be inclined to hoard it for fear they might not have enough whereas the positively identified self-preserving instinctual type would be more inclined to share what they have, believing when they need food someone will share with them.

Your Tritype® stacking, of course, would amplify this. The positive self-preserving sp/so 792 would not only share the food they brought, they would bring enough for everyone. The negatively identified self-preserving sp/so 541 would be more inclined to hide the food they have and fear that others would take more than their fair share leaving them without enough. They would also feel ‘to each his own’ and that everyone should provide for themselves. Wherever they go and wherever they are they seek security by having enough provisions, resources and physical essentials.