Katherine Fauvre: Why do Type 4s feel Hatred?  

November 17, 2020 Katherine Fauvre

Question: Why do Type 4s feel hatred?

Katherine: One reason is because the 4-defense strategy is organized to seek beauty, refinement and ideal circumstances. It is also designed to notice what is missing, what is perceived to be of the utmost importance, and to go in search of it for a sense of fulfillment.

The 4 self-image is built on a construct that emerged at a very young age and is based on what they could say or do like little adults. They were given attention for what they possessed, such as beautiful eyes, what they could say or do at a very young age, such as being remarkably articulate, and/or by what they accomplished that was impressive and different, such as playing Mozart on the piano.

Their sense of self is built on these things... as a golden child with a remarkable 'adult-like' ability. The problem comes when other children begin to catch up in the areas that the 4 once excelled. What was once a guaranteed way of being seen as precocious gradually becomes closer to the norm.

Like all children, 4s love the attention they receive for their special giftedness. They learn to identify with the ways they were seen as superior to other children of the same age. But when the 4 grows in age and experience, the 4 begin to see others admired for stellar attributes they do not possess. With this awareness, they feel an irreparable sense of loss.

The recognition of losing their elite role and status is devastating to the 4. They don’t know what happened or why it happened. They just know that they are no longer seen as remarkable for their age as they once were. And nothing is more painful to a child than losing the attention they once possessed.

The confusion comes when they are confronted with the reality that people seem to value whatever is newly extraordinary and that attention wanders away from the 4 to others. When the 4 no longer feels they are as extraordinary as they were as a young child, they can feel that they have become the tragic, gifted, golden child that did not fulfill their destiny and the expectations that others had of them.

They can begin to feel angry and unjustly denied what others were given and feel robbed of their role and identity through no fault of their own. They forget that they still possess qualities that others do not.

Each 4 has a refined and distinct sense of aesthetics and an artistic sensibility that continues throughout their life. But this gift is forgotten the moment they see others admired for an attribute that they long to possess. They are able to see quality in the details of most everything but feel lost, angry, and disoriented when they identify something that is missing.

On a personality level, it helps the 4 when they remember that they have these unique and innate abilities and their own talents and sense of individuality. This, in turn, helps the 4 maintain a sense of self that is elite.

But their defense strategy is also designed to focus on what is missing, and whatever they feel they are missing is perceived as essential. And, as with all of the nine defense strategies, the internal struggle begins anew.

The 4s hatred of another's gift is unintentional. When they see in another what they do not possess, they instantly feel fundamentally inadequate. They feel a painful, acute sense of lack that turns into chronic frustration. This leads to hatred of others that possess what they do not and self-hatred for being inadequate and not possessing what is admired in others and valued in life.

Hatred is turned inward as self-hatred and then shoots outward to others so that the 4 can manage the painful self-consciousness of being flawed and/or defective, but it ricochets back to the 4 and lands as further self-loathing.

As adults, 4s try to stay emotionally safe by maintaining an image of themselves that reflects the elite status they perceived they once had as a young child. This is different for each 4. Even if the childhood was filled with sadness and pain, the 4-child will carve a distinct image of themselves from their sense of childhood losses.

The 4-defense strategy will hold on to the image of being ‘elite among the many’ to avoid the overwhelming feelings of despair that are always lurking just under the surface. The way out is through the defense strategies of the 4-personality structure. Trying to not use innate defense structures of the 4 creates a lot of unnecessary suffering and distress.

The 4s naturally focus on their spiritual sense of self and long for reunion with their sense of source. Using their innate intuition and spiritual gifts, the 4s can follow their attention to move to their inner journey and discover that which they are not.

When the 4 reaches the stages of anger and chronic frustration and the resulting hatred of self and others, the 4 has the opportunity to keep going through to the other side of the rage and pain rather than going ‘into it’ and being trapped re-experiencing the original pain and sense of loss.

If the 4 can allow the journey through to the other side, the identity built on a temporal sense of self that is at once, both significant and lacking significance, it can grow into a sense of self that is luminescent and omnipresent. Rather than being identified with being denied and spinning into disorientation, the 4 can reach a new sense of equilibrium that is continually in a state of being and becoming.

When the 4 can remember that they are not what they possess that is unique, and they are not whatever they think they are, not what they do, and not who they should be, they will remember their true self, which is already exquisitely unique and eternally connected to the source of everything in the universe for which their personality has longed.

More on Tritype® here:
Katherine created a test that has been programmed to pick up particular patterns that the types use.
Take the Test here: https://enneagramtritypetest.com
General Information: www.katherinefauvre.com/tritype
YouTube: Katherine Fauvre | Creator of Tritype®